May 28, 2013 § 1 Comment
I’ve always avoided the big animal-face t-shirts on principle. The design is a little lazy, and I always thought they were for those obsessive dog-lovers who can’t stop talking about their pooch. Then I found this Orang Utan T-Shirt and, for the first time, I really want one. Here’s why:
I’m sure I’ve talked before here about my love for Orang Utans, but I’m more than happy to wax lyrical about my favourite apes once more. Those persons of the forest from the genus Pongo are just so awesome. Despite having the strength to rip a man’s arms from their sockets, and a bite strong enough to crunch bone, they are stoic, peaceful creatures at heart (by and large) who rarely raise a hand to anything (unless it really pisses them off). As well as being gentle in that respect, they are also, due to their incredible motor skills and dexterity, gentle when it comes to their quiet examination of the world around them. They are clever, peaceful and amazing animals and we, as humans, should be very proud to call them our cousins. In fact, before you do anything else, why not pledge a bit of cash to help save their endangered habitats by checking out this website right here. I suppose I’m also drawn to these great apes due to the fact that I really do resemble one myself. On the physical side, I have reddish hair, a big mouth, unnaturally strong limbs and a bit of a belly. In terms of temperament, I rarely use my strength, and I prefer a quiet existence of isolation, looking down on the ever-changing world around me (well, I’ve learnt that this is my best option). Oh, to be an Orang Utan.
To buy this Animal Face T-Shirt featuring the outlandishly handsome Orang Utan, I suggest you get yourself over to Firebox.com where this specimen will set you back just £19.99. It comes in sizes small to XL, and comes in brown. Ook.
May 21, 2013 § Leave a comment
If there is one symbol of culinary Scotland that stands above all others, it is the mighty Haggis. A delicious dish, but a divisive one too due to its ingredients. Well, the only ingredient of this Haggis T-Shirt is 100% organic cotton so you should be able to stomach that.
When I was but a wee slip o’ a lad, I used to love Haggis. Being half Scottish, much time was spent in the lowlands on holiday and of course, Haggis, tatties and neeps were considered a simple but delicious treat. Then my Dad told me what a Haggis was made of and I didn’t eat it again for a decade or so. Yes, when you really get into the list of ingredients, it does read as something quite disgusting. But I let the thought of what I was eating obscure the flavours – if we all did that, there wouldn’t be a fast food outlet left in the world (hmmm…). When you think about munching on lung and stomach, it’s pretty off-putting, but the flavour is delicious. Offal, barley, salt and some spices all come together in a filling dish with a unique and honestly delicious flavour. If you’ve been put off in the past because of the ingredients, I urge you to get over it and have a bite – it’s a hearty dish, full of subtle flavours and a real delicacy. Serve with mashed potatoes and turnips for the authentic meal. If you’re in the UK (even south of the boarder) you’ll probably be able to find a MacSween haggis in the chilled meats cabinet of your local supermarket (and there’s a very tasty veggie option too). In the US it’s a bit harder – there’s a law against eating lungs in America for some reason – but there are pretty close alternatives. I’m sure, if you try hard (and it is worth it) you can get hold of a haggis wherever you are in the world. And if you’re really keen, you can hunt one for yourself.
This delightful Scottish T-Shirt is brought to you by pre-eminent Scottish pop-culture celebrator and designer Gillian Kyle and I discovered this on notonthehighstreet.com. It comes in purple (with a whitish print), costs £22 and is available in sizes ranging from small to XL. Bon Appetit!
May 20, 2013 § Leave a comment
Everyone seems so clean-cut in Star Trek, yet you know what the holodeck gets used for. You just know. It isn’t even implied but it is presumed. So here’s a Holodeck T-Shirt for you to look at while we discuss here that which is not discussed on the show.
Red Dwarf touched on it in a number of episodes when the crew managed to acquire a Virtual Reality machine, but it’s never discussed in Star trek. Yes, it’s a wholesome, pre-watershed show about the virtues of humanity’s future, but surely we cannot be expected to believe that the famous holodeck aboard the USS Enterprise wasn’t used for a bit of the other – at least occasionally. The whole crew were devoted to their well-pressed uniforms and upholding the standards of the Federation but that’s a long tour in space for a single man or woman. Yes, it’s lovely to walk through unspoilt paradises, or take part in famous historical or fictional events, but let’s face the reality that there was blatantly one holodeck on the sub-basement level of the ship that contained a box of tissues and some baby oil. Of course you have those nasty instances when the damn thing went on the fritz and turned its creations into reality, but the chance of ending up with a half-electronic family pales in comparison to the idea of years of space and nothing but cold showers and chaste conversation. All of this made me believe that it would have been far better to be a Klingon. As well as my propensity for scary women, at least they knew how to have fun. So, as the tee says, what happens on the holodeck, stays on the holodeck. Just remember to clean up afterwards.
This Star Trek T-Shirt is available from Welovefine.com where it costs $25.00. It comes in red and sizes range from S to XXXL. And remember that when you’re in space and you’re having your own Pon Farr moment, it’s ok to enjoy the holodeck. Boldly go and get yourself some.
May 20, 2013 § Leave a comment
The seagull, though it might look like an uninteresting bird, is possibly the most cunning and evil avian incarnation on (or above) Earth. I shall elaborate below as you enjoy the looks of this lovely Seagull T-Shirt.
Though there is technically no such thing as a seagull (there are lots of different gulls – none of which are called ‘seagulls’) their reality is a stark and chilling indictment of the dangerous nature of birds. Now, I like birds, as a rule. I have no quarrels with quails nor any bad blood with blackbirds. But Seagulls are nasty bits of work. Their greatest crime? Chip stealing. Yes, these bully-boys with beaks that frequent British seaside towns will pinch the chips right off your plate as you try to enjoy the sunshine. And when you look to take them on – to reclaim your chip – you see the evil little eyes filled with hatred for humanity, and the yellow, knife-like beak that protrudes from their so-called faces, and think better of it. Yes, other countries may have bears, lions, koalas or any other big predator, but we have these things. An Englishman’s chip is sacred, and these feathered fiends defile the sanctity of the fried potato with such regularity that we ought to fear them. I do. Therefore, I haven’t been to the beach in England in about five years. I don’t miss it (though, admittedly, seagulls are the least of the reasons why I don’t miss English seaside towns).
Enough of my anti-avian ramblings. This Gull T-Shirt is brought to you by the talented folks at Mild West Heroes. It was created by the very talented Michelle Barker and I discovered it on notonthehighstreet.com. It costs £19, sizes range from small to XL and comes in blue. You go take a look, and I shall continue my research onto anti-seagull chip-protection systems.
May 15, 2013 § Leave a comment
This week, I reread a story that I’d not thought about in a long time. It was from Rudyard Kipling’s Just So Stories. It’s called ‘The Cat Who Walked By Himself’ and so, fittingly, I’ve decided to look at this Moon and Cat T-Shirt.
I’ve looked at plenty of cat t-shirts already since this blog began, but this was rather a fetching one and it deserved a place. It’s also very apt that I should discover it this week. The Cat Who Walked By Himself was always a story I loved. If you’ve not read the Just So collection of stories, I do recommend it. It’s a fantastic work of fiction, for children and adults alike, and one of Kipling’s finest literary moments. There are stories about how the Rhinoceros got his skin and how the camel got his hump and lots of other intelligent, charming and often funny short tales that are well worth a flick through. But the one that always stood out for me, was this one. The cat is clever and cunning, proud and unique. He tricks humans so easily and does everything right, though he never wins. He never gets the real prize. Small perks and wins, yes, but he is still denied peace and love. He walks alone. Always. And everywhere he goes, the same problems haunt him, for all are alike to him. I imagine Kipling staring long into the eyes of a cat, back in the days when they were not considered house pets (when he wrote this, cats traditionally would never be allowed into houses – certainly not at night, unless there was a mice problem – they lived outdoors) and saw beyond the brooding mass of wonderfully evil intelligence that is so obvious in our feline friends. He saw the entity that it was – alone, in the darkness, and without love. Beastly, yet fragile.
This Cat T-shirt comes to you from Spreadshirt.com where it costs $27.49. It was designed by Fat Cat Shirts & Cat Lover Gifts, comes in four colours and sizes range from S to XXL. One can only be thankful that cats were let in from the cold.
May 13, 2013 § Leave a comment
Yes, I am in one of my bleaker moods and have been dwelling within my own dark philosophies for a while now. You know how it goes. Self-deprecation, self-loathing, etc. Therefore, here is a Monster T-Shirt. Very fitting.
I apologise for my somewhat regular strolls into the shadows of my own mind. This is a t-shirt blog and yet you have to listen to me prattle on about the inanities and idiocies of my own thoughts about a hundred subjects that have nothing to do with t-shirts. Sucks to be you – or me for that matter. But, as this is my blog, I get to say what goes on here and it’s quite a good way to help get all the wretched neuroses out of my daily life. I don’t know what set it off this time, and nor do I particularly care. No doubt it was ridiculous and inconsequential in and of itself, and yet like that evil butterfly that flaps its wings in South America, it has has created a hurricane of angst, doubt and delusions here. All that is wrong is pushed to the fore of my mind. From my non-existent love life, to my fading social appeal, to my desperate attempts to be creative. It is like being surrounded by horrors that scowl and grin at me, mocking my attempts to be anything beyond the wasted potential that I am now. Lost in a sea of mediocrity and missed opportunities, I know not how to be anything else. I am the unexciting sort of monster who cowers in his cave, afraid of the light and abhorrent to the rest of his species. Such is life. I dare say I’ll cheer up eventually – it tends to happen – but I must serve my sentence in misery to earn my time in the sun. The most I can hope for at the moment, like the monster in this illustration, is to be present while others are happy, and hope that it rubs off on me.
Aside from my self-invented problems, this is a gorgeous and beautiful t-shirt. The illustrator has created something truly charming and should be very proud of a very pleasing design. I found this on Uncovet.com. It costs $25.00, comes in grey, and is available in women’s sizes ranging from Small to XL.